My boyfriend is an an alcoholic! How do I make him get help?
How do I get my boyfriend, an alcoholic who denies it to get help? Talking and crying and begging his family to talk to him has not worked.
The first thing you’ll have to face is the fact that you cannot help him – especially since he won’t even admit he has a problem.
Also, while I hate to say so, you need help more than he does. Here’s why: His problem may be physical as well as psychological addiction. Your problem, however, is ONLY psychological – you’re hooked on trying to help someone (your boyfriend) who doesn’t even admit they have a problem, and therefore doesn’t want help.
You’re sentencing yourself to a life of despair and possible tragedy, instead of moving on to a better guy. I shouldn’t proceed further – even though I could probably read you like a book. I’ve seen so many (mostly women) like you before. Nevertheless.
Please seek professional help for YOUR "addiction". And move on with your life.
I’m sorry hun, but you can’t Make him. Can’t. He has to WANT to go, and he has to WANT help. If he doesn’t want it himself, and he obviously doesn’t, it will not work.
I have been thru this.
He doesn’t care about You or ANYONE enough to stop. He doesn’t see it as a problem.
You need to go to some Al-Anon meetings to understand all this. And, I would suggest you leave him before it all goes VERY bad.
And, it Will.
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personal knowledge
No, and it won’t work. You are not going to like the answer, because it is not what you want to hear – you cannot make anyone get help. That is something they need to do themselves, and if the guy is in complete denial, that’s not going to happen. It has to get bad before they have a chance of recognizing they have a problem.
I suggest Al-Anon for you. It can help you a lot.
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Your fighting a losing battle . He can only be helped if he wants help. if the family isn’t willing to help then there is no hope for you. I would suggest you leave him to his alcohol and move on.
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threaten him that you will leave him if he doesn’t stop drinking.. …
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You can’t – he has to want it or it will never work!
And you can make all the threats in the world but unless hes ready they won’t work -
Clean and sober 4yrs
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you can’t make him get help. He has to be ready and he has to want to get better. All you can do is be supportive in sobriety. (That does not mean be supportive when he happens to be sober – that means be supportive of him trying to stay sober – AA meetings, medication, no alcohol around, etc)
Until he shows that he’s ready to really make an effort – and if he’s still in denial then there is no effort – it would be best for him and you if you left him. I know it’s not easy to do – but better now than after more time together.
Believe me, he will ruin your life. If he is not making an effort to stay sober, he will go down, down, down and he will bring you with him.
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Just get drunk with him.
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You can’t make an alcoholic quit drinking, no matter what you do or say. The choice has to be theirs, they have to lose it all and hit flat on the floor sometimes before they realize they have a problem. Even then there is no guarantee. Love just isn’t enough. Even an alcoholics own children’s pain is not enough to get them to stop their destructive behavior. It is a very hard situation, I have been there (and have 3 kids) I finally had to end up leaving my ex, after many years, because our family just wasn’t enough. It is sad to see someone you love destroy their life, I wish there was a fix all answer for you. But there is not. You can suggest AA, and Rehab, but if he doesn’t recognize a problem, then you are wasting your breath and energy, And it will eventually wear you down. I wish you luck, you will need it.
Also, poeople will suggest Alanon meetings……These work if you are willing to accept and live with the fact that he is an alcoholic…..cause they teach you how to live with it, and accept it…not leave it.
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Lifes Lessons, invested time, love and heartbreak
The first thing you’ll have to face is the fact that you cannot help him – especially since he won’t even admit he has a problem.
Also, while I hate to say so, you need help more than he does. Here’s why: His problem may be physical as well as psychological addiction. Your problem, however, is ONLY psychological – you’re hooked on trying to help someone (your boyfriend) who doesn’t even admit they have a problem, and therefore doesn’t want help.
You’re sentencing yourself to a life of despair and possible tragedy, instead of moving on to a better guy. I shouldn’t proceed further – even though I could probably read you like a book. I’ve seen so many (mostly women) like you before. Nevertheless.
Please seek professional help for YOUR "addiction". And move on with your life.
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He can’t be made, encouraged, but not made.
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life:
you got to be real tough,if hes in denial theres not a lot at the moment you can do to help the issue,hes got to admit he has a problem,throw him out if you have to,it will wear you down living with someone whos alcoholic and you need to gather strength for yourself to cope,when he realises your serious he may admit his problem and seek appropriate help good luck
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ex had alcohol issues
Honey, I SO WISH I could give you an ans. that would help him. I am a recovering alcoholic of 19 yrs. & so well KNOW all you are going thru. Today is my sobriety date, & it means MORE to me than my B.D.!!! He is in the state of "denial". NOTHING is going to work until HE wants to get help for it. Alcoholism is a cunning progressive disease that just keeps getting worse as time goes by. It also is a killer disease, hopefully not taking someone else along w/them if/when something should happen to them. I would so STRONGLY suggest YOU go to a FEW Alanon mtgs. GO, get help for yourself. They WILL help you. I can PROMISE you that. They are the very BEST bunch of folks you could want to meet. I’ve said so often, AA saved my live, Alanon saved my sanity. My ex husband was an alcoholic too. I went to many Alanon mtgs. & learned SO MUCH. Just call the 800# for alcohol in your yellow pages & ask for the NEXT closest mtg. to you. You do not have to say a word, just listen. Ask anything you want of the group or pick a person to talk to. I can PROMISE you WILL get the help you so badly need. PLEASE do this for you, do it for him too. You’ll learn what to do, what to say to him, & how to help yourself deal w/your problem. Please do go & at least give it a try. You have nothing to loose, everything to gain. I DO wish you all the best, honey…:)
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AA/Alanon
how do you get help for him?ANSWER:YOU LET HIM DECIDE THAT FOR HIMSELF.NOTHING MORE TO IT THEN THAT.A LOT OF PPL HAVE ANSWERED YOU TRUTHFULLY AND WITH THEIR EXPERIENCES WITH ALCOHOL.I, CAN SUGGEST TO YOU TO READ ABOUT IT FOR YOUR OWN KNOWLEDGE.READ ABOUT IT AND YOU WILL GET AN UNDERSTANDING OF SOME OF YOU QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE BEEN HAVING.READ.READ.READ.KNOW THIS FROM EXPERIENCE:YOU CAN NOT HELP HIM WITH HIS PROBLEM AND IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.NO MATTER WHAT HE MAY SAY, HOW HE MAY MAKE YOU FEEL AND WHAT HE MAY DO!!!!IT IS HIS PROBLEM TO DEAL WITH AND WILL ALWAYS BE HIS PROBLEM.ALWAYS!!!!DO NOT LET HIS MANIPULATIVENESS ALSO GET THE BEST OF YOU TOO.WAKE UP,GET SMART ABOUT IT AND CHOOSE TO LIVE LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT TO!!!!THAT YOU CAN DO!!!!!!!!
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PERSONAL EXPERIENCE THAT TOOK AWHILE TO REALIZE IT.LOVED SOMEONE DEARLY THAT HAD THAT PROBLEM.HAD TO THINK ABOUT ME AND MY HAPPINESS!!!!!!YOU’LL GET THROUGH IT!!!
You can’t make him get help. He obviously doesn’t think he has a problem. I can only suggest you attend al anon (for friends and families of alcoholics/drug addicts)
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Every answer here is right. It is not worth crying over and I suggest from personal experience unless your sole purpose in life is to help others and be miserable for many years as you stand by and watch him nearly kill himself waiting to "hit bottom" and finally realize he has an addiction and needs help. You will never understand, you will never be first in his life and him becoming sober is a 7% chance and he will most likely "go out" and drink several times before he actually "gets it"! So my advice to you is if you are a very strong person and don’t drink yourself I wouldn’t stay! Been here, doing that!
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Husband had 6 years sobriety "went out" drank two beers one day and now he has been sober for one year and one month
If he can’t admit that he has a problem then you can’t change him. You have to accept it if talking to him don’t help. Maybe you could start going to alanon.
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Take him to an AA meeting
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Sorry to tell this to you but you cant make him do anything if he doesn’t think he has a problem or doesn’t want to change. I think the 1st step is he has to realize himself he has a problem. But you could contact AA I’m sure they would have ideas to help him or you.
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There are only so much you can do but I guess so far you have taken the emotional and pleading route. What you need to do is get him exposed to hard facts and involve him in activities where he is exposed to the truth in a more blunt manner.
This might or might not work but most of the times real life example cases tend to convince far better than any pleading.
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http://www.drugrehabsunsetmalibu.com/our-programs/alcohol-addiction/